I've been having a lot of fun trying to get my garden prepared. It is finally warming up here, so that doesn't leave me much time to get my seedlings in the ground. I truly adore this time of year. I love watching things come to life and bloom.
I've been bring my time to rethink my life lately. Mostly because of my health, but it has required me to examine some of my goals.
For example, children is one issue. I have finally come to accept that physically it will not happen for me. I have not quite closed the door on adoption, but I know it is a far off goal.
As for the rest of it it's just a matter of rethinking how I'm going to approach my future career. There's a lot of things I can't do anymore because of my physical conditions. That has been the hardest, letting go of a dream.
For now I'm taking it one day at a time.
I honestly think that laughter is the best way to go. I was lurking on a Twitter conversation with Bruce Campbell ( @groovybruce ) and somebody commented on Spider Man 3 that it was just bad. I thought it was awesome! But then I'm an easy sell. I rather enjoyed Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, and I thought the first sequel to Pet Cemetery was a fantastic parody of the first one and laughed the whole way through.
I once spectacularly irritated a coworker when I started laughing in the middle of a project that was heading towards disaster quickly. How can you not laugh? The only other option you have is to cry in despair, but I don't cry. Just... Not ever. I dealt with my grandmothers death with anger. I dealt with my first cats death by cleaning everything. I dealt with my divorce by getting a manicure. I just don't cry.
I suppose that's why my Mom freaked out so much when I burst out crying during my first serious hemiplegic migraine. I was so frustrated my body wouldn't respond to my requests. I couldn't stop my tears when I demanded they get right back in there. Incidentally, I responded to that by watching a comedy.
On a side note, I tear up quite frequently watching Hallmark commercials, Oprah, and movies with sad endings (which is why they're on my Never Watch list). Go figure.
I'll get the bad news out of the way first by saying that I had my first major hemiplegic migraine yesterday. While I do have familial hemiplegic migraines, I have only ever had the symptoms come in bits and pieces. That in itself is scary that they were serious on their own, but to come at one time was a very frightening experience. I believe txrabbit experienced this once, but having one of these migraines is a bit like experiencing a stroke. Scared my mother to death. I'm taking it easy today.
All fandom aside, I can't stop watching the show Clean House (it's a style network show, though I've been watching it on Netflix). I'm a bit of a Clutterbug myself, so it has been a lot of inspiration for me and my mother. We are looking to get rid of about 5 storage rooms worth of furniture soon. So, we have a lot to play with to redo our house one room at a time. Should be fun! I'm planning on posting pictures as we go along, so look out for those.
I feel bad for not updating more, but to be honest it's been more a case of lethargy. I have finally been able to put a name to my condition and that is familial hemiplegic migraines. For me, they tend to manifest as vistibular migraines. But that basically means is I get dizzy and confused quite often. Unfortunately they are completely out of control and I'm getting migraines on a daily basis, which is frightening because a serious condition will see people having them one week. What does that say about me?
Rethinking life goals
There are a few things I have had to rethink in my life. The most obvious is my ability to work. I don't think I will be able to seriously hold a job outside of the home anymore. Which is a really hard thing to face. But given my job skills I don't have this set required to telecommute at any serious level. Which means, I need to go back to school. I will have to re think my degree and change fields completely.
In that I am actually hopeful that I have an idea for my future. It is just going to take a helluva lot of time and effort get there, mostly because I have to come up with a way to pay for my schooling while I'm having trouble being able to do any significant amount of work. But I will find off way before, because I am very determined.
That's it for now
There is more to this thing called my life, that but that is not enough depression for one day. Maybe I can try to update more than once a year. We will just have to see how that goes, right?
I think my mother has gone a little crazy. It's 10 degrees out, and she wants to go back to our storage rooms in the next town over to rifle through furniture again (we've been trying to consolidate our belongings).
We did it last weekend, and managed to get quite a bit done. Did I mention it was 30 degrees and snowing?
Yeah. Mom's gone a bit round the bend. Or to borrow a phrase from the 90s, she's trying to harsh my hibernation vibe.
Remember kids: hibernation is your friend.
So it would seem this site has been attacked once again. I'm getting through okay the moment, but it's been intermittent.
For those of you for talking to other sites, I am on both insanejournal and dreamwidth under the same username.
I don't use the former much, but I currently mirror my posts over at dreamwidth.
Sorry I haven't been around more. I feel awful, and I would have wanted to post more. But my migraines has been killing me for the last month or more.
Strangest thing happened the other night. I woke up very early in the morning, and I could hear singing. Sometimes I do that when I have a migraine, or if the neighbors are playing loud music. I didn't think much of it until I happen to glance out my window. In the twilight of the morning I could just make out it black shape outside my window. I could not make out much because I didn't have my glasses on, but it looked to be about the size of a large house cats to me.
If I didn't know better I would say I was visited by a fairy.
Christmas is Coming
I'm all ready for Christmas. I just have to wrap some presents, and bake some things. Today I will be spending time getting the house ready and doing some last minute prep for tomorrow.
I hope that everyone else is ready.
I probably won't get another chance to say this, or more accurately will forget, so I want to tell everyone else to have a very Merry Christmas!
Been loving the newest layouts at both DW and LJ. Changed my long time layouts at both. Maybe someday I'll even customize them. Who knows?
What's been happening...
What's going on in your neck of the woods?
Originally posted on Dreamwidth: http://saifai.dreamwidth.org/305684.html
- Current Mood: accomplished
Finally feeling like the migraines of hell week is over, so I finally got up to making my mumkin for my front porch.
I also got a small bit of candy in case kids come by.
Anyone else doing anything particularly special?